Baby steps

I knew the milestone was approaching. I'd catch her standing in the middle of the room for long stretches, well seconds at least, but standing all on her own. She had been confidently cruising along the ottoman and couches for weeks, but my Ellie took her first steps on March 1 in the home of my dear friend Jill. I saw them, several tentative consecutive steps, and I shrieked for joy announcing the momentous occasion to all present. I tried to cement the memory of them in my mind, but they happened so quickly. All I could think was how happy I was to witness them and how I wished Al could have been there.

I had thought that once Ellie took her first steps that there would be no stopping her, but as with most learning curves, it was a figurative two steps forward and one step back. Walking practice was abandoned during that tough week that a month-old foster baby was in the house as Ellie reverted to her more proficient crawling.

I knew she could do it; I'd seen her. I decided to push the issue. On March 5, I set Ellie on foot while enticing her to come to me and her favorite toy. She responded with 11 consecutive steps before I set up the videocamera on the tripod and recorded several more runs. 20 steps! Wow! My baby was finally walking, wobbly, but walking!

Only unlike the Weebles, she not only wobbled, but did fall down. These baby steps resulted in stumbling and more often than not, I'd catch Ellie walking on her knees after a tumble. She was far more stable on knees than foot, but her pants and shoes were taking a hit. I would try to right her, sure that once on her feet, she would stay walking, but this mobility by knee seemed to be her preferred mode of travel. And then it occurred to me that my daughter's lower center of gravity made her more balanced and grounded. This walking was inherently unsteady and unsettling business for her, and my efforts to bypass the knee walking process were futile. At that moment, I recognized that Ellie had assumed a more powerful position: the posture of prayer.

That time on her knees made her stronger, more confident, and while she's almost fully bipedal now, I can see that the kneewalking was necessary and worthwhile. Ellie's process of becoming ambulatory has caused me to reflect that my spiritual walk would be much steadier and far less subject to stumbling were I to spend as considerable a time as she on my knees.

Psalm 37:23-25 (New International Version)

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.